a spoonful of sugar helps the cynicism go down.
- chain of fools
i’ve been working like a dog, and i’m hella tired you guys. so let’s see if i can conceive, type, and publish a post in the next 15 minutes. i have some initial impressions of san francisco:
being an anti-brand-name shopper- ironic?
so every city has there own thing, right? one of my initial thoughts on moving here, and even i have to own up to how vain this statement is, was a basic concern that i wouldn’t be living someplace relevant. i mean LA is the hub of the sort of pop culture noise that fills my brain, and then new york is just the center of the universe. but what is the gimmick behind SF?
i certainly haven’t drawn anything nearing a conclusion, but i can say it’s a city where people care about things. and this annoys the crap out of me. i understand the protests, they’re actually really cool to see after living in LA, but there’s also an ultra-pc vibe, that is above and beyond and all it’s own. and the one thing i hear over and over is how “anti-chain” the city is.
but let me be specific- i have about 5 minutes left. being new to the city, i read yelp all the time to find where things are, and if they’re open. i’ve given up on caring about their reviews- they’re overly elaborate, self-congratulating bullshit… frankly. so last week i was looking up the nearest trader joe’s (which incidentally is at the intersection where the zodiac killer was picked up by that cab driver). anyway, this one review states: “i never thought i’d like a chain store”— what. the. fuck. i have never heard such an ignorant statement in all my life. trader joe’s? TRADER JOE’S. i could entertain a discussion that says costco is bad, starbucks is bad and i’d probably still disagree. but someone who could harbor prejudice against trader joe’s has a completely fucked up ideology. i- really- i just can’t go on.
so this is the attitude i’m adjusting to day to day. but meanwhile! here it is, the point- meanwhile, on the way to work i pass through a tremendous shopping district, which i will one day explore if i ever have the time off. and within that we have every boutique clothier imaginable including TWO juicy coutures. and while i need to thank serena and charissa for making them both lovely environments, the city just lost its hand.
so- being against chain stores- ironic? YES. because you either believe in something or you don’t, and so far SF, you’re half-assing it.
….alright, that seems harsh. this new city is filled with idiosyncrasies that i’m excited to explore and report on, but right now i’m in a complaining mood. next i think will be on the failures and flaws of borders’ supply fulfillment software. until then.
- adventures in hipster irony, pt1
hello readers. if this blog were to have a regular (and i use that term loosely) feature, i think it would be something like this. or at least under this heading. this is my first real unsolicited exploration of irony, and just an observation from my daily life. if it turns out to be uninteresting, i’ll blame you for not asking enough questions. but anyway- andiamo.
sample sales.
you all know about sample sales, right? like most amazing phenomena, they are all about being in the right place at the right time, and hearing about it from a friend who really keeps pace with this stuff. so last week i had the very exciting pleasure of hearing about a WeSC sample sale through Gaby, which i have experienced and loved before. this time though, the hipsters were out in full force. man, can those kids smell a deal from a mile away.
the craziest thing about sample sales is how low the prices go. it gets to the point where you can’t shop in the regular store anymore, because you now know how ridiculously inflated everything is. the other half of the appeal, i would say, is that when you find something you really like, after weeding through all the crap, it feels so unique and special, such that i must have it. it helps that there’s always a crazy limited supply, so when you DO see that something, or something close to it, you have to pick it up and think about it- otherwise, some cardigan wearing bastard will steal it when you turn your head.
but, here’s the but on this capitalistic paradise- this imperative consumption can sometimes reach fever pitch. no matter what the conditions are, i will always find a jacket that i must have, even when i have 5 just like it at home. and now i have so many of them that i can never decide which i like best, and just wear a sweater. so is buying something on sale really worth it, if it never gets used? like those two ties i bought for $20 at BR? or that heavy turtleneck sweater that i bought at the JP sample sale in june. june! i live in LA for chrissakes. that thing was sitting in a drawer until 2 weeks ago when i wore it for thanksgiving- in NYC, and now it’s back in the drawer. was it worth it for one day of use? actually, hell yes. it’s a freaking amazing sweater. and there’s no way i could have afforded it in the store.
i guess the best way to frame it is to say that the experience is like flying first class, and once you have a taste, you can never go back- meanwhile, the process can be like searching for the holy grail itself.
sample sales (and sales in general): ironic? NO, just choose wisely.
p.s. i noticed all the hipsters wearing TOMS shoes, which they must have all gotten at the last sample sale, and so they must be the new cool thing and so i must have them, even though i think they look a little ugly.
- the soapbox derby
i dreamt i wrote this post, but i never did. that seems to be happening a lot lately, possibly because there’s so relatively little going on in the real world right now. well my real world. otherwise there is the election…
the election- damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
”so what if i elect the guy that i like, he won’t really get anything done.” that’s the sentiment that this grows out of, right? this topic comes via brock via a conversation, and i really wish i had been there to hear the conversation- because the answer is very simple. NO. vote for barack obama, he will change the world. it’s just that simple. there’s plenty of reason to be cynical, but not when it comes to barack.
ok, so in truth there are plenty of ironies inherent in politics. first- the branches of government. all the candidates are talking and making promises about how they will change things, but let’s be clear. the executive branch has absolutely no power to create laws, just the ability to enforce them. what!? how can they fix the economy? oh, by enforcing the regulations that already exist, and have just been ignored for 8 years? but what about our image abroad? by sticking to the rules which tell us what torture really is? we’ve had great presidents before- and what they did was follow the rules. also, the VP has no special powers (tsk tsk sarah palin, tsk tsk). and people who cry about activist judges- are they absolutely blind to the concept of check and balances? so it’s a little confusing to me how things get done in washington, and what party in power and where is the best combination. but that’s pretty much an ebb-and-flow kind of thing. probably the biggest check/balance of all.
but second- the huger irony- hugest even. the person you elect will betray everything they stand for to get the job done. republicans hate big government bureaucracy, right? well every republican president has increased the size enormously, while democrats shrink it (think dept of homeland security). republicans believe in fiscal spending, and yet clinton was the only president with a surplus- almost ever. democrats are pro-choice, but the rate of abortions goes down when there’s a democrat in the white house. perhaps because they believe in education?
and perhaps the biggest irony of all, i used to be a big clinton fan. actually, initially an edwards fan. see how well they worked out for me? but the truth is, i always loved what barack was saying, i was just afraid of his commitment to it. edwards was committed to the point of losing, and that’s what i respected. but now i see. will barack bring about real change? that’s kind of a crapshoot. but there is hope, there should always be hope.
the election- ironic? NO. you’re just plain damned if you don’t. politics? hugely ironic.
- not ironic, just a confluence of circumstances
OMG. I’m at kareoke with my family in NYC for my mom’s birthday and my sister-in-law is singing “ironic”. she’s pretty good.
p.s. I am drunk.
- it’s my wine in a box
sorry for the delays. being unemployed has totally killed all the time i have for hobbies. how ironic. therefore, it’s going to be short, sweet, and along the line of things that i think are awesome.
drinking box wine
everybody loves box wine. i attended a box wine party the other night and it was great- fun and delicious (the party and the wine, respectively). it’s not the first box wine party either. generally these parties aim at taking the stuffing out of a wine/cocktail party. it’s a great cause, but what is it about box wine that achieves this. i always sense the sentiment that box wine is low brow, cheap, and basically antithetical to the idea of wine, not at all classy. some people may be chuckling a little as they sip, like they’re slumming it. but we all drink it down just the same, and get a little tipsy.
i will concede the point that anything will a “drink by mm/dd/yyyy” stamp does come off as a little chintzy. but most wine is best in the first year anyway. i learned that at a wine tasting class. i went in aiming to elevate my snobbery, and left with a very populist attitude towards wine.
box wine: ironic? NO. wine is for the people.
p.s. since i tend to aim for just a little beyond over-the-top, i came to the party with MY family tradition, the jug-o-wine.
because it’s tasty, because that handle is so nonsensical, because when you’re done it makes a great wind instrument, and because foil is one thing- but a screw on top is a whole ‘nother.
p.p.s. i’ve been watching a lot of election coverage, so when i do get back to bigger topics, it might be well informed for once. look out, brock.
- i’m lovin’ this multi-million dollar contract.
i touched upon something earlier that i think will require much greater discussion.
this idea that the pop-culture definition of irony has to do with measuring reality against expectation. it seems to me that younger people call “irony” when they feel victimized by circumstances, but this is becoming less and less a phase to mature past and more the m.o. of the adult world. so yes, an interesting topic, but i’m not looking to indict an entire generation in my first post. i’ll get to it later.
mcdonald’s ad campaign featuring olympic athletes. ahhh, something topical!
let me say that i love the olympics. i’m not a very sporty person, but i’m always intrigued when everything’s on the line. besides that, the olympics manage to well up within me this good natured belief in human achievements, blah blah blah. also, all that stuff about the rise of china is terribly interesting and well timed.
but let’s face it, the olympics are basically an extended audition process for sponsorship. …let me also say this: i have nothing bad to say about corporate sponsorship, athletic scholarships, or basically any form of cashing in on talents. i would if i could. and hell, the ads are effective. if shannon miller can still do tumbling passes on the balance beam while taking claritin, then maybe i should live claritin clear, too. (btw, congrats on puberty, shannon).
but in some situations, namely when mcdonald’s teams with olympic athletes, there’s a huge disconnect between what’s being sold and who’s selling it. in this case we have human machines running at peak performance selling what amounts to sugar in the gas tank. (that’s not to say the athletes would never go near it. after all, they may have no other choice.) though i must point out, mcdonald’s isn’t advertising a gimmick menu. here they are selling their brand more than their product. and it’s a yummy brand. the ads lure us in with a comfortable feeling in a global community, all this diversity and yet something familiar. and oh yes, human achievement, blah blah blah. the unfortunate part is, mcdonald’s has every right to take some credit for helping the games. not through nutrition, just a generous serving of $$$. just like the athletes themselves, i don’t feel you can fault them for their success. maybe that’s just me- i subscribe to the ‘vote with your wallet’ way of thinking. mcdonald’s has the coffers, and they give up some pittance to charities and do-gooders for a little image boost. it’s win-win!
the funny part is, if they were selling phelps-macs and injured-gymnast-fries, we could call them on their bullshit. instead, they confuse the situation to the point where i’m sitting here, typing, trying to remember how a big mac tastes, and for some reason, a super-size #1 sounds really good right now. damn it.
bottom line: mcdonalds + olympians, ironic? well YES, if this ad has any effect on you, you can call it irony, but as an observer, i prefer to call it capitalism. suck on that red china.
- an ode to canadian flatware deficiencies
carl sagan once said “to make an apple pie from scratch, first you must create the universe.” so… i’m not zooming out that far, but it is nice to start off with the basics. not to mention classics:
it’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. let’s discuss.
one of the things i think helps this whole blogging endeavor is the lack of a cohesive definition of IRONY. i mean, the wikipedia entry is filled with hazy summations and outright falsehoods, like claiming that the general misuse of the word irony is in itself ironic. really? but how can i stay mad at wikipedia; there’s a lot that it gets right. it goes over the basic types of irony (including my favorite: dramatic) and what they have in common- INCONGRUITY. and here, with the song “ironic”, we have all sorts of incongruity. but alas, alanis, there’s a little bit more to it.
let’s stick to the spoons. irony hinges upon an incongruity between reality and intention(and/or meaning). what the song presents us with is an incongruity between what is real and what is desired. so what if you need a knife, if there’s no meaning to the spoon? there’s a lot missing in this scenario- like what exactly does she need the knife for? how’d she come upon these spoons? we need answers damn it. instead we are overwhelmed by the SCALE of incongruity: 10^4 spoons! and not even 10^0 serrated edge. it’s amazing how shallow she is; continually eschewing meaning, for the sake of her aching desire.
well this sucks. i think i might never listen to this song the same way again. and that’s too bad- it’s a classic.
so to wrap it up: is ten thousand spoons ironic? NO, and besides alanis, i’m like 90% sure you’re a vegetarian anyway. what the hell do you need a knife for?
- i was made to do this
i wouldn’t say forced, so much. it’s more like a dare. the only matter really is what exactly this is.
so we were out last monday night, having the classic alanis discussion, and how nothing in the song ‘ironic’, is actually ironic- more of a string of unfortunate coincidences. we were trying to define true irony, when brock says i should start a blog that begins to get at the definition. i gave a little meh to blogging, but then he mentioned theoretical ad revenue and i was hooked.
so back to the this and what it is. i’m really not sure. i have strong feelings of what i want not to do, like not writing a diary, and not ranting. but those feelings run counter to my goals of talking about myself, and spreading about awesomeness, ie. mindy kaling’s blog. it will be walking a fine line, to be sure. thanks to brock’s advice, we’re going to start it out slow and easy, wherein i solicit questions, people ask me if such and such a thing is ironic, and i hand down some sort of verdict. let’s call it a advisorial cata-blog and keep it loosey-goosey for now.
the main idea is to be informative. to educate the reader with a brevity that some consider my signature. so then, if in the process of enlightening others about the world, i in turn learn something about myself, would that then be considered ironic? NO. because a) i already called it and b) that’s never going to happen.
later.
- we are up and running.
success! the blog has begun.
so… yeah, i’ve got shit to do. later!
